How I Turned a Life of Abuse Into Fuel for a Six Figure Income

Frankly, I didn’t know this would happen.  It wasn’t a conscious goal.  I just saw a ladder and I knew I wanted to climb.  I wanted to climb out of this hole of despair and pour myself into something that fulfilled me, something that rewarded me for my efforts, something that reciprocated in kind what I put into it.  That’s what we wanted when we stayed in that unhealthy relationship, right?  Acknowledgment, validation, respect, reciprocity, appreciation.

I knew I didn’t want people looking at me with pity.  I knew I also didn’t want to be any more of a statistic than I already was.  I definitely didn’t want my primary label to be an abuse victim or even an abuse survivor.  I wanted to take all of the frustration I had with myself for letting undeserving people take such a huge part of my self-esteem and my time, and funnel it into something that would give me all of the things I felt I was missing: a purpose, goals, autonomy, self-reliability.  My kids gave me a reason, but that wasn’t my only purpose in this world.  I needed more.

I grew up enduring child abuse and carried that sort of understanding of what love looks like into my adult life where it undoubtedly influenced my view of what was acceptable from a partner.  Most people would look at me today and have no idea that I spent most of my life in physically and mentally abusive relationships.  Most of those who know me see a high achiever, or as my best girlfriends and I call each other, #girlboss.  Most would say I’m a kind, empathetic, hardworking professional who is dedicated to her own growth and the growth and advancement of those around her.  Today, I’m building a life of purpose, passion and adventure, and I want people who have had it rough, who don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel, those who are scared to leave, to know that they can do it too.

The reality is, I went through a lot before I got to where I am, but it’s what fueled and shaped me into who I am.  I can take tough situations head on because I’ve definitely been through worse.  I want to keep growing because I allowed myself to wilt and be stifled for so long.  I want to be financially independent because I never want to be in a position where I’m stuck ever again.  And with all of this, I am a caring and compassionate servant leader in my professional life because I want people to feel genuinely loved and supported. I went through the abuse and the mental and emotional aftermath of that abuse while I was trying to move the success and independence needle. It is draining, but the one thing that always stuck with me is that there’s no better motivator for making something happen than having no other choice. 

It’s important for people to know and believe that where there’s a will, there’s absolutely a way, and you don’t have to be a victim of your circumstances.  A life fraught with challenges and missteps can still be everything you want it to be and more.  I wasn’t raised by good parents.  I didn’t have stability growing up.  I never finished college.  I had kids in my early 20s.  I was homeless both as a child and in early adulthood.  I spent long periods of time food insecure.  But those were just my circumstances, and circumstances don’t have to define you.  I also love very deeply, make friends easily, I’m naturally curious, love a good challenge, and I’m a super fast learner.  Most importantly, I am driven.  I believe that this life is mine and I own every action and decision I make along the way, including every decision that led up to me staying longer than I should have, and every decision I made to get me out of the predicament I put myself in.

I went from $13 an hour to a comfortable 6 figure salary in about 10 years. That’s not typical, but I believe it’s replicable. Your attitude and your aptitude for recognizing, creating and seizing opportunities is what determines your timeline. You may be thinking that I’m just lucky, and I did have luck along the way, but so will you. Luck alone won’t float you though. You have to have the following:

1.            Desire

2.            Passion

3.            Drive

4.            The ability to recognize opportunities when they’re in front of you, and create opportunities when they’re not.

5.            A very healthy balance of patience and impatience

6.            The ability to learn quickly

7.            The ability to foster good relationships

8.            A positive attitude

9.            Stick-to-itiveness

10.          No expectations

This was my journey.  Hope to cross paths with you on yours.

As always, I’m here to listen.  Reach out to me on Facebook @Journey and Thrive.

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