People experiencing an abusive relationship are something special. They are patient, kind and incredibly selfless. They are truly a gift to humanity. They see people with all their flaws, and love and accept them where they are, even though they deserve so much more. They’re nothing short of remarkable to be able to naturally love people where they’re at and want better for them. Yes you. You’re a saint…an angel in plain clothes.
Now I challenge you to take a step back and look at this from a 10,000-foot view. You’re someone who can teach patience, acceptance, compassion, and communication skills. You’re someone who can share much needed support, someone who can be there for people who are hurting. Most importantly, you’re someone who can really grow an individual. That’s your gift. Imagine how much more your gift can accomplish when you spend time on people that can truly benefit from what you have to offer. I challenge you to also use your gift wisely or potentially squander it on those who do not possess the tools or ability to change.
Sometimes you have to see the writing on the wall when you’ve already given, given, given, and have not yet received. You can make a 1% ROI (return on investment) on your abuser that changes at a snail’s pace, if ever, or 150% ROI on someone willing to accept your kindness and love, and use that as true motivation to do amazing things in their life. You want to change someone’s life? You want to truly heal someone and make a difference? You want to be valued, to be loved where YOU’RE at? Share your gift with more people. Specifically, ones that appreciate the energy and effort you put into being there for them. The ones that appreciate you offering an ear to bend when they’re having challenges. Invest in the right people and watch the mountains they climb.
How did I take my own advice here? Several ways. I slowly came to the conclusion that I really had a lot to offer people. I have a decent head on my shoulders, I’m loving and patient, non-judgmental, and I really love to see people do amazing things with the odds stacked against them. I channeled that energy into 5 specific places: friends, family, work, self-healing and giving back. It’s that simple.
I have spent and continue to spend a lot of time establishing a solid group of friends that reciprocate the love and kindness I share with them. We spend lots of time together, travel together, love, laugh and cry together. We play volleyball together, work together, raise our kids together, and of course eat and drink together. These people have been there for me, and I for them. These people are the cream of the crop. They exude all of the qualities I want to continue to manifest in myself. They’re the epitome of awesomeness. I recognized and snatched them into my circle of trust one by one over many years. They’re like a rare collection of special bourbons.
I also spend time working to be a better, healthier mom. When you’re in an abusive relationship, you lose out on so many important conversations and moments with your kids. It flies by and you don’t get that time back. You don’t get to really immerse yourself in teachable moments and shaping these little humans because you’re so fixated on survival and recharging your batteries after the last blow up. That’s my biggest regret is not being able to give my kids every single ounce of attention they deserved because so much of me was invested in whatever shit show blew up today.
At work, I’m in a leadership role, helping people get the tools, answers and support the need to be successful. I really get into the weeds with them because I genuinely care. I want them to climb as high as they want to, be happy, and feel valued…because they are valued. We work together to make sure they’re learning and growing, and helping them reach their professional goals. My role here is a huge part of my life. It’s an important part of what makes me happy and makes me feel like I’m succeeding.
Lastly, self-healing and giving back are really deeply intertwined for me. Giving back is part of my healing. Coming full circle here, giving this love and support to others is how I’ve been able to continue healing. It’s how I’m able to use my gift and feel like I’m not spinning my wheels. It’s rewarding, and I’m receiving the love and appreciation that I missed out on for so long. I don’t need a thank you or acknowledgement. I’m happy with just knowing that I’m loved, truly and deeply cared about, and important to the most quality people this world has to offer. It just makes me feel good to see people level up. It’s also why I do this…why I write. If I can make an impact on just one person’s life, it’s worth it.
When you have a moment to reflect, think about the people you’re investing in. Are they truly worth it? And if they’re not, how can you begin to change your focus? I hope you recognize you are so valuable and worthy, and you deserve so much more in return than you are receiving.
As always, I’m here to listen. Reach out to me on Facebook @Journey and Thrive.
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